You have always been ambitious and i love that about you. Your only 20 but you have already started up your own business and it is doing so well, i couldn't be more proud to call you my boyfriend. and you know that, i helped you set it up. i came up with the name , and i did all the design and advertising for it.
i understand owning your own business , especially when your so young is stressful and you have to work a lot, i try and make it easier for you by helping out as much as i can. i make dinner for you , do your washing and clean your house when you've been too busy .. the list goes on and on.
But one thing that upsets me , is that sometimes you work when you don't have too.. Your mum calls you a workaholic , and id agree. although i didn't think it was a bad thing. Until i started feeling less and less important. and realised that in the last 6 months , Ive been finding myself up the mountain, staring at the ocean alone, our little place we used to go every week at least once and walk the dogs.
Ive told you about this, we have even had fights over it. How your work always comes first and how i always have to wait till everything is done before i even get a "hey babe how are you'. But you always say sorry and tell me you don't mean too and your gonna start leaving work related issues behind when the doors close at 5 o'clock. i always believe you, cause i love you and i want to take your word for it.
But then things like tonight happen : i ask if you would like to have dinner with me and my parents at 7. you say yes although you have a few things to do before hand but you'll be there.. great, I'm excited.
its then 7 and your not here, i call you and you say your still working and you'll be another hour, but your so sorry and you'll make it up to me.
its now 8.53 and your still not here. Me and my parents have already eaten. i go to call you to ask where the hell you are. and my mum tells me to stop nagging you, your busy and you'll come when your ready.
Why is it OK for you to always let me down and put work before me . Why doesn't everyone else see how frustrating it is to have to fight for your own boyfriends attention .
i love you , but just once i want you to forget about work and dedicate one night to me. i don't think its too much to ask.
Please, pick me. i'm tired of waiting.
h&m scarf as top
old asos belt
photos by my mother
In the middle of my chaotic move I wanted to calm down for a bit and remember the peaceful summer evenings.. these pictures are taken by my mother who has been photographing all her life, mostly horses.. these young mares live among many other horses on our farm in finland, I guess I forgot to tell you that we have a few.. and that I grew up among them
Packing packing and more packing... tomorrow the movers will come and I still have ALOT to box.. A few quick shots from the mess.. (It might be time to confess my obsession with..... dinosaurs) also check out my new amazingggggg boots... these darlings are from river island! I can not wait to start decorating the new flat, I promise to do a proper post on it when it's done! but now I need some interior inspiration... any pics/ideas/blogs...? please tell meee!
love you all
I try so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and all of my close friends have felt it, except for me. I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn, after all I am only 18. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense, I convince myself that I'm only going to get hurt and what's the point? I wont end up marrying this person, or probably even dating them for that long so why risk hurting myself. This summer I finally decided to take a risk and talk to this guy that I met briefly at school. We immediately hit it off, and kept in close contact the two weeks I went away on vacation. I was so thrilled and excited and ready to take a risk and let myself get hurt because I thought this time would be worth it and maybe I wouldn't get hurt for awhile or maybe not at all. I came back from my trip and immediately went out with him.
It was the best date i'd ever been on, I felt comfortable with him and wasn't scared or nervous about what was going to happen. After the date I was flooded with so many emotions I had never felt before, I was nervous and excited in a good way and couldn't wait to see him again. However, after the date all contact between us was forced and it seemed like he was blowing me off. I was completely flabbergasted, how could he be blowing me off after we talked everyday for two weeks and had this incredible date? Am I young and naive in thinking it was more than it really was? I tried to keep in contact because I didn't want this one to get away, I had let him in unlike anyone else before and didn't want to let him go.
It's been a couple weeks, we have barely spoken and any communicating is contrived and strange. I have given up, if he doesn't want to speak to me why should I speak to him? Any courage that I gained from the beginning of this relationship I have lost completely. I can't help but think, how is this fair? I actually risked my feelings for this person and where was my reward? Finally I am the one who tried my hardest to make it work, and I end up the one alone. Any hope that I have left for love is almost gone. Friends keep telling me that one day I'll find someone. Some how I don't believe it. Not everyone falls in love, not everyone gets married, who is to say that it'll ever happen for me? I was once told that if I want it to happen for me it will. But how can it when I try so hard to make it happen and it still doesn't?
I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful because the idea of love is all that keeps me going, I'm holding onto the idea of love being bigger than anything in the whole world and that it will completely change my life. But at the same time the thought of it barely slipping out of my grasp hurts so badly. Love to me is like a double edged sword and I am constantly wondering if it is worth it.
h&m jacket and pants
elizabeth and james top
miu miu heels
Hi you all! stiiillll some images from finland, but we are already getting in to the colder weather spirit right? I'll try to post some london pictures over the weekend. Atm. I am busy moving and trying to pack.. but it's super exciting! I am moving in to a new flat here in london! now everything is a mess and I need to buy more important stuff and less shoes.. hehe.. we'll see..
as for what I am wearing, I think h&m did a great job on the printed pieces that you surely have seem on.. erhm, everyone.
photos by me and stefanie
Pictures from my finnish summer! warm summer nights and more desserts than actual food.. FYI the last pic (and the one after my miu miu clogs) is taken at 1.30 am in july! it does not get darker than that.. epic. Hope you all had a awesome summer, now let's welcome fall.
To put it plainly.... I'm in love with my best friend....NOW lemme explain. I'd like to call this piece.... I TEXT MY BEST FRIEND I LIKE BY ACCiDENT!
So we met briefly 2 years ago when i was about 16 going on 17 because he was my bestfriend's boyfriend's bestfriend (confusing I know). First appearances, he was cute and he was the kinda guy that would listen to you when you spoke.... Very attentive. So I decided to call him up more and start talking to him properly. I eventually told him I liked him, but that didn't go very well because he didn't reply..... he apparently didn't know what to say. It was really weird for a few weeks because we had the same circle of friends and he would act really awkward when we all got together. Like he would give everyone a hug except me... As if I had a disease or something (very childish). But this childish acts became the basis of our best friendship.
Wait there's more..... So the tables turned after a few months he started calling me, and properly explained why he never gave me a proper answer. He said he wasn't in the 'right head space with girls and wasn't really one to show emotion' so I accepted his 'apology', and from on we started talkin about anything and everything. We'd talk almost everyday, we were so close, after a while I didn't even see him as someone I could be initmate with. Whenever I was upset he was always there and whenever he was upset I ALWAYS seemed to be there, come rain or shine. Sometimes He'd be the causes of all my anger but I knew the good and bad stuff, and that's what made me love him more... As a friend. He called me, out of all our friends 'the one he could talk to'.
Life was great, we drifted apart for a while due to busy schedules and stuff but we loved each other too much to let that get in the way....
We got really close and when we chilled with our friends he would say stuff aloud like 'i want her to have my babies' or say 'i love her' out loud which was embarrassing, he'd hold my hand in public and try and kiss me (only on the cheek) but he'd do it in a way that it would look like a public display of affection, he'll say nice things about the way i look and say like 'she's sexy', and all my friends say he treats me different to the rest of the girls around us, (so much for sending mixed signals ah!).
But I used to think nothing of it... I just used to think I'm just his substitute for a girlfriend. Of course it was bad, but I liked it. I liked feeling loved, and not that I needed to feel loved.... I just wanted some attention, you know?
So recently I started liking another guy he made me happy, laughed so much when I was with him, he ticked all my boxes. But i realised i was forcing myself to like this guy. Whenever i thought about things that made me happy and who would make me happy i thought of my best friend. I'm not particularly a girl who Thinks about relationships alot. So when I started thinking about him again 2 years later in that way, i started to feel scared about all the emotions coming back.
So I thought one day I'd be just as brave as I was two years ago and tell him I liked him just start a text to make me feel better.... 'i think I like you' BUT MY I PHONE SENT BY ACCIDENT!!!!
2 days later.... No reply! So I decided to text him the full text. I thought I might as well go for it now! I text him how I liked him and it was only recently that it has started, I basically poured out my heart on a plate for him to eat. 3 days later.... No reply!
My friends saw him at a party and he showed them the text (as if they wouldn't know already) and asked them what he should do. They replied 'just talk to her' he replied 'he doesn't want to say anything because he didn't know what to say'.
After a week I couldn't take the heartache of not talking to my one of my best friend. It may seem crazy but I didn't care that he didn't like me, I just cared if he still loved me as a friend. So I text him and said 'can we just forget about this now, I just wana be us again... I just want to be your friend again'.
ITS BEEN THREE DAYS and he hasn't text back.:(
I'm just disappointed in him, because he couldn't even reply back to the one about us being friends. I'm so torn inside. I'm always goin out of my way to help him through any situation he goes through, and this is my payback. I think he's being a coward. We are a lot more grown than the first time this happened.
And why is it me doing all the chasing? I think it's time for me to take a step back. I don't actually want to let go of this love. It's a nice love.... Makes you feel warm inside. But this no replies business, makes feel he's selfish and not the person i was friends with, or even liked.
I love someone who might not love me back. If he doesn't like me I've come to the conclusion he needs to stop playin mind games with me and just tell me straight. What is going on with us?
I'm in love with my best friend.....
elizabeth and james dress as top
stylein draped shirt
lucyd acyd tights
stylein draped shirt
lucyd acyd tights
I am in the middle of
but before that I had to share these with you.. me and my sister, who I am gonna miss dearly when I leave finland.. her lion mane is ridic- it's never colored, never treated. Steffi and I have been together almost every day this summer and she's been my number one photographer. Love you and see you soon, sis
and thank you lucyd acyd for gifting me with these awesome tights..
- ► 2011 (1025)
- too weak a word
- pick me
- Illustrated curiosity
- how i wish
- On the move
- wondering if it is worth it.
- Graphic organizers
- stealing kisses
- Finnish summer album
- Wooden wall
- by accident
- afraid you'll forget me
- We share our mothers health
- On the streets
- i don't know what's going to happen.
- Mayla front row
- yesterday's feelings
- a chance to see you
- White on white
- Stockholm fashion week SS11: Carin Wester
- Before Carin Wester
- What I wore to hope
- Stockholm fashion week SS11: Hope
- no easy way out
- Acne archive
- Hei stockholm!
- up to how you really feel
- have a love-filled day
- Wrinkle free sheets
- either way
- great complexity
- Better before
- that’s what I want
- Haystack storage
- I want.. no, I need you
- erasing yourself
- Lasipalatsi design market
- we both know
- like an eternity
- Living walls
- Lapponia silver ring GIVEAWAY
- i'll always love you, no matter what
- Acne paper
- lost + weird
- ▼ August (50)