our fire never went out


I've always been a die hard fan of true love. I've always scoffed at people who said love didn't exist or love left you with nothing but a broken heart, a carton of Ben & Jerry's, and too many used tissues. I've always hated people who brought up the divorce rate in my face when I mentioned how in love my parents are and how rare at is. I've wanted to punch people in the face who told me that my parents would probably end eventually.

The thing is, I kinda have hard love life shoes to fill. My parents met when they were 15 at their mutual summer resort destination and since then they were head over heels in love. They have been married 24 years and I've never seen two people so crazy about each other. They wrestle and tickle each other and make out all the time, you'd think they were 17-year-olds. They are two of the most passionate people I have ever met and ever since I was 5, I've wanted what they have.

I've always thought that it was a 1 in a thousand chance of finding your true love at 15 and being together for all that time. That is until I met you.

We started dating in sophomore year of high school and god were we in love. We were the biggest abusers of PDA but the truth was we just couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I just didn't think I could be that in love with someone and have it last. Maybe that's what broke us in the end. You didn't trust me with your heart really and I took you for granted way too many times. I assumed that our love could withstand wild fire and you were sure that I'd never leave. But there were other problems too. Your parents were horrible and they caused you to have issues that I wasn't fit to deal with. I didn't know how to make you happy, to make you comfortable in your own shoes. I wanted to know that if I wasn't around you'd be okay.

And like all passionate romances, we ended in the summer a year later. I made the mistake of thinking I wanted to be wild and free and you made the mistake of never moving on. We stayed together off and on forever but we both knew we weren't going to get back together. Something had just changed in us that neither of us knew coming until it bit us in the ass.

I met him and he was sweet. He was nice to me. Not to mention he seemed to be completely stable and something that I could not feel worn down by during the ever tiring junior year. I sound like a bitch writing this and it sort of makes me hate myself, but I guess love can bring out the worst in you too. The truth is I've been with him 8 months and I still can't live without you in my life. Don't get me wrong I love him. Or at least I think I do, but then how does that explain that my heart pounds when you tell me I look beautiful or when you tell me you're mad I go into a frenzy and panic.

People say that true love never really goes away. I believe that the reason I can't live without you is just under my nose, I just haven't come to terms with it yet. Maybe we're done for good. Something tells me we're not. Our fire never went out, trust me. And the sad thing is, I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on...


What I've been up to...


So kinda the reason why I've been a bad blogger is because I have been putting most of my time in to my uni projects... I get quite a few emails and questions about my course and what it is about so I thought a few words on it could be in place.. I am on my 2nd year on a fashion design and marketing degree at london college of fashion. It is a very commercial degree where you learn to work on design development & construction supported by marketing reports, I would say LCF is quite a business driven university, especially journalism and PR are know to be very good degrees, if you want to do more art based design and think about launching your own collections, I would recommend central saint martins.

I designed and made this dress as part of my latest project, the brief was to design something in jersey, sportswear or inspired by. The whole concept started from vintage tennis clothing so countless sketches and developments later this dress was what I decided to make.. there is a lot of work - both written and physical that needs to be put in to the projects, but I am not going to bore you with that now..

so yeah.. that's pretty much my last few months.. I now have april off before I start my final project.. and instead of staying in london to sort out important things, catch up and so, I am going to morocco for a month!! yeah insane, but soooo exciting

so I'll try my best to make up for my lack of posts with some 'chiffondressinthewindonadesert' photos


Writing breathe on a post-it

acne shirt
cos pants
elin kling x hm necklace
acne shoes
river island nails polish

photos by tasha

Hey... finally I feel like I have my life back, handed my uni project in on monday and then slept for 18 hours. I sound like a broken record, but maybe now I finally have some time to catch up again..

as you may have noticed I have been quite dedicated to wearing acne lately.. this shirt was one of the gems I picked up from from acne archive in stockholm

thanks for all the supportive comments


my sweet little revenge


It's done. It's been done for a few months now. How did it end? If I recall correctly it was me realizing your immaturity and you not willing to put me before your friends, not even for the little things. After that, you thought you would get your revenge by claiming you liked someone else, some dumb girl you barely even knew who I knew would never like you back. Well your plan worked. It broke my heart. Even though I had wanted to end it, knowing you liked her while we were still together killed me. I was shattered into a million little pieces, and thought there was nothing in the world that could put me back together.

But something did. It was my new found self confidence. When I realized I deserved so much better than you, the pieces very slowly began to reassemble. And then I began noticing. That more and more guys would smile at me, try to talk to me, give me compliments. That made the pieces come together more quickly. The best part about it was, I never needed to get revenge in order to become whole again. Hurting you wouldn't make me feel any better, because I simply didn't care about you anymore. You broke my heart, made me feel like shit, and then did it again. Now all I see are those wasted months with you, the time spent waiting for you to show you cared.

So now I'm putting that last piece back together. I've found someone who cares, found someone who will put me before his friends, found someone who truly loves me. And I love him back. And there is no doubt in my mind that you are completely gone. I don't ever think about you when I'm with him. There are no lingering thoughts about us in my head, about "what could have been". This isn't one of those stories where I realized I've always still loved you. No. In fact, I don't know if I ever loved you, because now that I know what true love is, I know what I felt when I was with you sure as hell wasn't this.

So in a sense my happiness is my sweet little revenge.

Goodbye. Forever.

wouldn't trade it for the world


Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Barely there


What is left from the 'balmainia'.. pimped old grey jeans.. just go bonkers with the bleach to get the look.. these were tucked far back in my jeans drawer.. but I pulled them back out and cut them open a few inched at the legs.. partially because it's +17 and sunny in london today..

Sorry I haven't been able to give you 100 % with the blog lately... scary, end of term uni deadline on monday...


our story isn't over


You make my head feel like a busy, New York City street the second your name lights up on my cell phone.

It doesn't happen often, and it hadn't happened for a year and a half until recently, but when it does i don't know how to feel.

You were my first love, and first loves are hard to forget. I truly believe that the first person you fall in love with will always have a piece of your heart. It's never whole again- no matter how much you move on, how many more people you fall in love with, or how much you give to the next person- there's something special about the first time you give your heart away. Or maybe it's because your first love usually ends up in your first real heartbreak and you never quite get all of the pieces back.

I don't know what kept me with you for all of those years. I was young, naive, and immature i guess. But i loved you. Oh man, did I love you. I think i would have fought to be with you until i couldn't go on. I would have been content being with you and only you forever and ever. But you didn't feel the same. And to fight any longer would be foolish. You gave up on me not once, but twice, and it broke me down more and more. You treated me terrible in those last few months, as if I were a stranger you never even cared about. You left me a ghost. You left me broken. You left me.

It took so long for me to get back on my own two feet and finally feel anything again. And as everyone would tell me, time did heal. But no one ever really listens to that phrase...time heals. But healing doesn't make it go away, it just makes it bearable. It's like a scar. There's the initial wound and it hurts like hell, almost to the point where you think you'd rather just be dead at this point, and then slowly but surely your cut closes up and then there is the scab. You pick at it a few times and it hurts all over again. And eventually you have a scar, and it fades and fades, but it's never gone. There's always something to remind you.

And then i met him, and he swept me off my feet. He showed me what it was like to truly be loved and he gave me everything you never even thought to give. Everything that hurt finally went away with a flash of his smile and with the touch of his hand I felt like I had found my real forever. A month into the relationship I could see myself with him fifty years down the road. I had never loved someone this way before, not even you. Months in though, little fights started poisoning our relationship but we worked at them. I still love him with my whole heart and i still fall asleep next to him but every now and then you slip into my dreams, out of nowhere, just like in real life and in my dreams I miss you.

I never thought, in a million years, you'd come back to me again. I'm over you, I am, I worked way too hard at it not to be. But when I get a text alert at 2:30 in the morning, and i see your name on the caller ID, my head and heart start a war. I don't think it's love, i think it's missing who you were. I have this idea of you at sixteen in my head but six years later that isn't who you are.

But for some reason tonight, it hit me hard. You know me way too well not to know how to win my heart, even for five seconds. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate you for what you did to me way back when. I hate you for making me second guess the perfection I have now. I hate you for never really disappearing from my life. I hate you for having the nerve to ever even think I'd take you back. I hate you for your late night texts. I hate you for who you've become. I hate you for it all.

You texted me tonight and said: "I just have a weird feeling that our story isn't over. But clearly I'm the only one thinking that."

And I'd never admit it, to you or myself out loud, but...I've never stopped thinking that exact same thing.

Dust on my dress

topshop hat
weekday cuffs
aqua dress
lapponia index ring
fashionology thumb ring
alexander wang boots
american apparel nail polish 

The bricks again on a late night with my little friend, that needs to find a special place to go up on, I'm thinking maybe kitchen..

Hmm feeling a bit guilty over the fact that I've been buying everything double lately.. I don't know if it started from the fact that these bracelets just look better worn as a pair or maybe I am just lazy, greedy or simply awful with making decisions... but if the shoe fits... buy it in every color

je t'aime

weheartit + unknown

i feel like a fool


I was freaking out the whole time that I walked from my gate to the end of the street. I tried to keep my pace steady with my friend, Sam. Nervousness and anticipation overwhelmed me as the blue car came into view. It was parked to one side of the street. With each step that I took towards it my heart started beating faster and faster. I tired to fix my eyes on something other than the car itself but my preoccupied mind would not let me do so.

I glanced at Sam and judging from her face it seemed that she was as nervous and anxious as I was.

"Oh My God, Oh My God", she cried.
"I know! Oh My God, I can't do this" I said laughing nervously.

Finally we reached the car. A mixture of dread and excitement formed inside of me. Sam shoved me in front of herself. My knees felt weak as I grabbed the handle. Before I could change my mind I pulled the door open and got inside the backseat of the car.

To my surprise, I was face to face with him. My heart stopped beating. This was NOT happening. I was not going to sit next to him all the way to his concert. I could not do this.

I gave him a sheepish smile and greeted him with a muffled "hi." Sam got in the car beside me shutting the door behind her.

He just had to open his mouth, didn't he? Gosh, his voice. I turned my head towards him as he introduced us to his two friends sitting in the front. The instant I met his gaze I turned away blushing.

I tried to calm down. To keep my hands from shaking I buried them in my lap. My heart started beating more rhythmically.

For the next ten minutes neither of us spoke a word except for his two friends who were constantly bickering about something I could care less of.

I guess at this point I should have started some sort of conversation. But then he spoke. A smile spread across his face.

Oh God I thought. Waves of emotions passed through me. My heart skipped a beat. Butterflies swarmed through my stomach as I turned to see his face which was five inches away from me. Oh crap I thought. My heart was pounding so loudly as I struggled for the right words to say. But before my face could give away anything I tore my eyes away from him. I let my hair fall forward to hide my cheeks which burned from blushing.

I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I tired to occupy my mind with other thoughts by talking to Sam. I knew she knew how I felt but being the reserved person I was, I still hadn't admitted it to her.

That was two and a half years ago. The first guy and the first time I ever fell in love with someone. Today, I feel like I fool. For giving someone so much of importance. For trusting someone more than anyone else. For believing every word he ever said to me. For falling in love with him.


Mtv x gilette

So finally.. the project I was filming in stockholm was a gilette venus campain for MTV! I was chosen to be the face of finland so my version will air on MTV finland in april...

our day started at 4.45 with make-up..

Ida was chosen from sweden and trine will be the face of denmarks commercial..

Ida in her insane legs....

we filmed in the botanical gardens in stockholm in very summery outfits..

 we got to choose out own outfits. I wore a very bright acne pink dress, american apparel clutch & river island feather necklace


In the end of the day we shot studio photos and voice-over's.. each in our own languages. Fellow blogger annette was with us as the norwegian girl, bit sadly fell sick on the day of filming! she was fitted in to the clip later though.. I hope she feels better now..

the campaign is called 'just legs' and will launch in april/may around a lookbook-style website where you all can upload some leggy outfit photos and win a whole new summer wardrobe! I'll be picking out my weekly favorites and promise to keep you updated along the way..

We had all such a fun day and it was easy to work with such a great team! so a huge thanks to everyone involved, can't wait to see the final clip!!


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