Next year

Happy new year to all of you lovely readers! You have been amazingly encouraging, and inspiring every single day. I wish you all a successful 2011!

i'll wait

weheartit + ffffound

Simple sleek cuts

lindex kimono
gina tricot top
zara shoes
fashionology knuckle ring
asos swarovski ring

Wore my new ewa larsson for lindex kimono for dinner out tonight! This was swedish designer larssons second collection for lindex. The fact that she works for acne explains why she always manages to get it so right - and why I own almost every single piece.

don't forget to take part in my xmas giveaway!


Dangerous finds

If you know me well enough, you know I like my jewellery creepy, a bit threatening and borderline legal... These new awesome jewellery findings fall right in to that category! I managed to find a snake spine necklace & bracelet and a huge tooth pendant!!

I still have a week left here in thailand! I hope you have some cool plans for new years eve, I will be celebrating on the beach all night.. tomorrow we are going to try deep sea fishing... I really want to get face to face with some huge sharks!! (preferably megalodons) can't wait.


i still love you, damn it.


It happened two weeks ago, yet it seems like it happened just yesterday. I had planned to propose moving in together in two weeks, but before I could do that, you left me. Never before have I been hurt that bad. I can't fall asleep anymore, I find it so damn difficult to concentrate on anything.

For the first four or so days I was shocked. I wondered if you ever really loved me. We were together for two years, yet you dumped my by sending me a letter. Yes, a damned letter. I should be angry, I should be furious. I want to be mad at you. But I simply can't. I keep wishing for a bloody time machine so I could just roll back everything we've done and said to each other. I just want you back - I still love you.
I try to think of everything bad that happened between us - I try to cling onto all the bad memories that we shared. And then I suddenly realise - I even miss those. I miss all our fights, I miss how we used to kiss and make up. I wanted to propose to you, I wanted to grow old together. I wanted to give you my life and in exchange I only asked for your love.

The day before yesterday was Christmas Eve. I spent it alone. If things were different, we would have celebrated our decision to move in together that night. But things weren't different. I just can't stand it anymore.

I promised to love you forever, no matter how naive that sounds. And I was going to hold up to that promise. And no matter what - I still will.

I still love you, damn it.



Andreas Öhlund + unknown

Arriving to krabi

Hi from krabi! we arrived early today morning and got to enjoy the whole day of sun and a bit of shopping.. feels unreal to finally be here! more pictures to follow, now I am off to bed!


it scares me


I guess one could say that I’m scared.

1) I’m scared of loving and getting hurt.

2) I’m scared of losing my independence.

3) I’m scared of new things and the unknown. Like having a boyfriend.

1) There are few things I truly love in this life. My mother and father, my two brothers, my best friend, music, and good food. Those are my true loves. I know that none of these objects of my affection would ever hurt me.There have been a couple of times in my life when a guy has shown real interest in me and I’ve turned him down due to the fear of being put in a vulnerable position. The single time I really, really liked a guy, he just lead me on and ended up making me feel like shit through many douche-y acts. If I wasn’t concerned enough before about this whole love dealio, I certainly was after that idiot came and left my life. The question that’s been asked millions of times before: is love worth all of the pain that will most likely spawn from it? Sure, everything is rosey and sugar-coated at the beginning, but what happens after the honeymoon phase subsides?

2) I’m almost 19. I’ve never been one of those boy-crazed girls. Never really worried about relationships and all of that. But now that there’s another chance for me to get close to a guy, I’m scared of losing my independence. It’s not like I’m a promiscuous girl… that’s the last thing anyone would call me. I’m scared of losing the strength I have as an individual. Where I am now, I feel confident about myself and my abilities, and I’m so scared of putting myself in a position where someone could possibly make me doubt myself. Should I put that on the line just to possibly fall in love?

3) New experiences are scary. The first time I sang alone on stage I was literally about to wet myself. The first time I went on a date, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. The first time I was kissed, the world seemed to tip over and I felt completely out of control – and not really in a good way. Starting a relationship with a guy is completely unknown territory for me. I wouldn’t know how to act, what to do. I don’t even know if I’d be willing to kiss and be kissed at random intervals throughout the day. These are MY lips. I’m scared of being seen, with no make-up on, in harsh daylight. I’m scared of not always smelling good and not always being in peak physical condition. I’m scared of any guy touching me in a way that I haven't been touched before. I’m scared of having to play a part that I don’t know how to play, because all I can be is myself and myself is not a girlfriend.

I try and justify the possibility of turning him down by telling myself that if it takes this much thought, it’s not meant to be. But not every romance begins with love at first sight. Not every couple started out on ideal terms. Yet… I don’t know what to do. The easy thing would be to simply continue doing what I’ve been doing my whole life – nothing. Or I could put everything on the line and just go for it.

I’m not even in love and I’ve just given up hours of sleep to write about it. This worries me. It scares me.


So long cruel coldness

Hope you are enjoying your holidays! I am escaping what feels like siberia, writing from the airport... on my way to thailand!! I went out last night for our traditional after-xmas party and came home in the morning just to change clothes... at least I’ll be able to sleep on the plane. I tried to take some wintery pictures in the snow, but the camera stopped working. Can't blame it.. it was -28 degrees.

I will keep you posted with pictures from sunny thailand!


someone loves you out there


Merry christmas + giveaway

Merry Christmas my darlings! I wish you all a happy, joyful evening..

As a little xmas present, I am hosting a giveaway with chains of love, and giving away a very unique arm bracelet, the draped silver chains are attached to a eleastic band to hold it to place. and can be worn many different ways...



promise me that nothing has changed


It's the holidays. I guess I never fully expected you to come home by now, but I did fully hope you would.

I think about that hot muggy July day at the downtown Milan station often. & how I cried the entire 3 hour ride back because I didn't know when I would see you again.

The pain then was unbearable. I guess you could say that it has now become bearable. That doesn't mean that I don't think about you everyday and wish that things could have been different.

I can no longer handle the 6000 mile difference. I want to be best friends that love & miss each other. And please just reassure me that I will be the first person you call when you land in L.A. Promise me that nothing has changed.

After everything that I happened, I still think about the way it was in the beginning. & Even though I'm moving on, this doesn't mean that I won't still be here once the circumstances have changed and our stars are finally aligned properly.

Know that I think about you.

Mi manchi, amore mio.


Red leather & broken bricks

h&m leather pants
old h&m top
miu miu shoes and spants

photos by stefanie

Pictures from my flat in london, a few days back.. h&m finally got the much anticipated red ankle zipper leather pants in! a definitive favorite for spring, but for now they might have to wait for warmer weather... I found the miu miu shoes (worn under the spats) second hand for a ridic price... and even if they are a few sizes too big I could not leave them on the shelf...

Tomorrow is chistmas eve, and time for a little giveaway..

until then xxx

i just can't

nip/tuck screencap

Urban outfitters ss11

Just a quick hi, to let you know that I finally made it home to finland from london.. after 4 days of cancelled flights I'm pretty beat but happy to be home for xmas... I know the airlines are doing all they can to get everyone on a flight.. but I am really surprised how bad heathrow handled the situation of a few centimeters of snow! On day 3 they decided to stop letting people in to the airport itself, with thousands of families queuing up with blankets and mattresses, to just get into just the building! My love goes out to everyone still stuck, I was the fortunate one..

Anyway, back to the post.. whilst I am trying to balance last minute xmas arrangements with staying in bed to cure my awful cold, I wanted to share my favorite picks from the urban outfitters press day! I am all over the jewellery and will for sure be the first one to pick up that spike ring with matching bracelet..

Stay warm everyone! I am planning a giveaway before xmas so check back soon...


it was real.


You were my first man. There have been lots of boys, and I loved them in an immature first love kind of way. But you were the first real thing. When we first met at a party, the connection was instant, but you left for the summer and the timing wasn’t right. I thought about you while you were gone, and we kept in touch even though we had only met once. Then you came back, and everything fell into place. It was so easy. One date and that was it. No games. No guessing if you liked me, no decoding your text messages, because I knew. And you knew. We would stay in bed until 4 if neither of us had class, making love, laying, talking, laughing. You were so sweet, and I was so consumed with love and excitement and happiness. I remember telling my friends about you, I couldn’t even think about you without smiling. My parents could tell this was different. Once I overheard my dad telling my uncle that he knew this was real, and how happy he was to see me with someone who treated me the way a dad wants his daughter to be treated. You were always scared that he didn’t like you because you were older, but I think your maturity was part of what he liked about you.

The summer came again, and you had to go away for work. I went home with you before you left, and I remember when you dropped me off at the bus station how scared I was to be without you. I was crying and you were there to wipe the tears away. It was the worst bus ride, all I could do was think about not seeing you for four months. I’ve never missed anyone like I missed you. It really did feel like part of me was missing. I think it was harder for me than for you because you were out on the road, and I was at home living our life only without you there. I missed everything about you. The way you smelled. The way it felt to lie beside you. Your jokes. Your laugh. I felt like I couldn’t laugh without you there. We talked on the phone and on skype, and we tried to keep the intimacy alive even if it was through a computer. It was a long summer, and when it got close to you coming home I was counting down the days. I wasn’t even tempted by other guys, you were all I could think about. I remember the night you got back, and I got rid of my roommates and planned a romantic dinner, and right before you got there I found a mouse in my kitchen. I had planned to jump on you and kiss you the second you walked through the door, and instead you found me terrified and flustered. But it didn’t matter. As soon as you were there it was like you had never left. And we were happy. And a month or so passed, and we did all the things we used to do. And it was perfect.

And then one day I woke up and it wasn’t. I can’t remember when things started to come undone, I don’t think it was any single thing, just our whole world. It was so gradual that I didn’t even notice it happening, but all of a sudden it was there. Or I guess it wasn’t there. The butterflies were gone. I used to hate how you would never fight with me and just let me win instead because I wanted the passion of the anger. Then we fought once. And then again. And then all we did was argue. Over nothing. Over everything. I don’t remember when we stopped making love, but you noticed and it made you insecure. And then we fought about that and it made me insecure. It was like we were going through the motions, nothing really changed except me. I wanted to want you like I used to, but between school and work and life somewhere I lost us. One night we were watching tv and I realized there was almost a foot of space between us. We used to cuddle so much sometimes I couldn’t tell which arms were mine. We talked about it, and we said we would try to make things better, and for a little while we did, but nothing really changed. I think I knew the end was coming, but couldn’t admit it to myself, or to you. Especially not to you. I think you knew too. You said all you needed to be happy was me, but I was the one who was making you hurt. One night we fought for so long, and then I let go of everything and we made love. And it was real, and it was passionate, and it was us. And I thought maybe that would make things better. And then within ten minutes, we were somehow angry again. I think that is when I really knew. Christmas break came, and we hoped the space would give us time to think and to miss each other. We said we would come back in the new year and start fresh. But when I got home, I met someone else. I’d always known him, but never really looked. It was just a crush, not what we had, but it reminded me of all the excitement and butterflies that I wasn’t feeling anymore. It became so obvious that we were done that I could finally say it out loud. At first I only said it to my close friends, and then I realized I had to say it to you. I couldn’t wait till we were together because you were going to spend so much money to travel and see me and I knew I couldn’t ask you to do that. So I called. My stomach was in knots. I tried to plan what to say but as soon as I heard your voice I couldn’t remember. We made small talk, and then I just blurted it out. And once I said it, it was there. I don’t know what I thought you were going to say, but you didn’t say anything. The silence was the worst part. You said you had to go, and that was it. over a year and it was over in 20 seconds. You called me the next day and we said all the things we were too scared to say before. It hurt like hell. It still does. You told me I was giving up on us. I guess I did. But we weren’t really us anymore.

You said you were going to leave town, you only stayed because of me anyways. Hearing you say that made me feel so alone. And I was scared that I would regret this, and you would be gone and it would be too late. I guess I just have to live with that now.

I hope you know I tried. And that I loved you. I really, really loved you, with everything I had. I couldn’t have asked for a better first real love. Im sorry that you got hurt along the way. I hope you don’t think I threw everything away. I think we just outgrew each other. I know it’s going to kill me when you find someone else. Seeing you hold her hand. I used to ask you “what are you thinking about right now?” whenever we were laying in bed. I still wonder. I probably always will.

It was real.

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