Acne amon


acne shirt
zara pants
american apparel nail polish

Hi from Hamburg, I am spending the weekend in this urban town. I (among others) fell in love with this silky acne shirt.. the cut and style is genious. I will wear it gently, I promise.

It took me a while to find the perfect white nail polish but I now swear by the american apparel one. They have 3 different shades of white. I bough them all, cos sometimes I want to be cream and sometimes I need dusty white. Today I wore the cotton one.

wishful


sensing-owls

I was dating a boy in law school, just graduated college, was hired onto my first "real" job and looking for a place to live. I decided to go on Craigslist and search for a guy roommate. I had made an appointment to meet with a guy and told my boyfriend to call the cops if he did not hear from me within the hour. Probably not the smartest thing to look at a strangers apartment in the evening. I showed up to this cruddy looking apartment complex, knocked on the door and this dropped dead tall man opened it. It was love at first sight or I like to call it Lust at first sight. We started talking and instantly felt a connection; he asked me how soon I could move in, I told him that week.

I called my best friend after leaving the apartment to let her know I found him! the one I had been waiting 10+ years for. I knew that I needed to break up with my current boyfriend and in reality there was no way I was moving in with this gorgeous man, but i definitely wanted to date him. I called him 2 days later and confessed; I can't move in with you, take me out to dinner. he laughed and said "shouldn't I be the one asking you on a date" from the moment forward we dated. I pictured us moving in together, getting married having kids etc. I loved him with all my heart and soul, I woke up early in the morning made him breakfast, cleaned his room, went on all the trips he wanted to go on. He pushed me to be more adventurous; camping, white water rafting, biking..... Did everything that I thought would make him happy. I lost contact with 90% of my friends, but it was ok because his friends became my friends.

A year and half into the relationship I received a job offer with my dream company. It was a surf company that would allow me to travel and grow in my career. I took it! I begin to travel and notice myself becoming independent again the way I was before my world revolved around him. At one point we did not see each other for 3 weeks, the week we finally were back in each other’s arms I felt something different. So confused, my body felt drained. I realized for the 2 years we were together it was all about him, what made him happy, what he wanted to do, what was convenient to him. I broke up with him. He was so shocked and angry, but I told him I was exhausted. As much as I loved him, I needed the same love back. He drained me. It’s been a year since the break up and I there have been many times I begged him to get back with me. I have to constantly remind myself that the choice I made was for the best. My heart still feels like a part of it is missing. I still don’t know what this means, I don’t know if I will ever find someone that I loved as much as him. I am hopeful that the day I marry “the one” there will be no question in my mind how much he loves me, as much love I give to him I will receive back……and my heart will be complete again. **wishful

xoxo

J

KNEON magazine



HI everyone! thanks again for the sweet comments! I might have to do a hair tutorial of the bun at some stage...

but to the point.. I was featured in KNEON magazine, you can read the interview and whole issue here
thanks kneon!

but i'm afraid


unknown

i don't feel guilty


ffffound

When I was seventeen I saw you at a friend's birthday party. It was black and red themed for some reason, and you showed up in black skinny jeans and a red shirt with a red indian feather in your hair. You were twenty two. I saw you from a distance and thought you were the cutest thing I'd seen. I asked your friends if you were into guys, and to my delight I found out you were. I was sloppy drunk and really wanted to talk to you, I spoke to you in broken spanish sounding foolish, but there was still some sort of connection. My friend was drunk and throwing up so I had to take her home..... but I mustered up the cojones to ask for your number before we left. we talked via internet chat and went out. I will never forget that first date. It was the best first date ever. You were my night in shining armor. Right as I got downtown to meet you at the movies when I told my father I was going out to study with my best friend, my car bellows smoke overheating and you wait with me to see my car towed and take me home, we shared ourselves. and you thought I'd blow you off after that because I'm pretty and young.

We shared an intimate romantic secretive winter together which I'll never forget....going out to 'study' all the time. I fell in love with you. Even though from the first day we met I knew you were going to leave me. You were moving to Europe for grad school. I was still in highschool, you speak four languages, dress well, carry yourself right, and are exactly what I want and treat me so well, like nobody I've ever been with before. You love me for who I am. Not just because I'm physically attractive, and you appreciate me.

You left me in January and moved to Italy, I was completely fucked up after that. More than you'll ever know. I drank more than ever. I smoked more than ever. I was practically catatonic. and then I start to get over you, and then I hear you have a new Italian boyfriend. I'm crushed. Time goes on, still not over you. I meet another guy, he lives in portland. We had a long distance relationship and he cheated on me and hurt me worse than you ever were capable of. And it only made me love you more because you would never have dragged me across the country to fuck me up.

You come in and out of my life for christmas and spring vacations because your family still lives here. I know you have a new relationship so I try to respect that. You've moved on. I haven't. and It's the hardest thing to be next to you and not be with you. Not to hold your hand or kiss you at a stop light, but I can't help but wanting to spend all of my time with you....you're leaving in a few days. And I'm glad we finally were intimate with each other again. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife....then again we've never been able to get past the first 20 minutes of watching a movie together. But you feel bad because you still have that Italian boyfriend...But I really don't. You have no idea how much I care about you. And it may sound immature, but..........I saw you first, and I don't feel guilty at all.

I do, without a doubt

 
asos black dress
zara clutch
miu miu shoes
chanel tattoos
ysl rings

Pictures from my cousins wedding that took place on a cold day in may. It was pouring down for most of the night, but I doubt that the happy couple even noticed. They cried, I cried, everyone cried, but it was happy tears. An overall beautiful ceremony, day and party.

I got to wear my asos dress from the black collection paired with chanel tattoos and miu miu heels. It all turned out a bit dramatic, but dramatic in a good way.

just because...


unknown

risk


thedisneyprincess
“Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land.”
So many people dislike fairytales because it makes us believe in love, believe that a prince will swoop down and save us when something goes wrong. But I’ve come to realise that in every fairytale-like movie, every girl took a risk. Took a risk for love, took a risk in the name of love.

So, how do we know if our own fairytale won’t really happen if we don’t try, if we stop believing in love?

I know it’s hard for some of you to put down their guard and to learn to trust someone else sometimes. I know because I’ve been through it. People like us, we distance ourselves from people we genuinely like just because we are afraid to get hurt. But does building up these walls ultimately saves us from hurting?

It doesn’t.

We’ve got to know that these people, the people we are blocking out because of our own insecurities, will leave someday too. Leave for something better. Everyone will cause you pain and hurt and tears, but you have to decide who’s worth it. And when you make that decision, happiness will come to you. =)

Every other summer saturday


vintage coat
golden pony knit dress
acne wedges
golden pony bracelet
lapponia silver ring
other vintage + mixed jewellery

pictures by my sister stefanie

Every other summer saturday, that's how often the train stops here. This should be informative enough to describe the pace of living in this part of Finland..

we had one cold day, and then it was back to tropical heat. I of course was estatic as I got to pretend it was autumn and finally a chance play with my new shoes! aaaaaaahhhhh I am in love. Their comfyness is a plus (not that it makes a difference, I haven't felt my feet in years)

the knit dress is my new fave (thank you golden pony) and the cashmere coat cost me 4 euros and 70 cents at a flea market. So now that all the new fall stuff is hitting the stores I need to put my credit cards somewhere unreachable, I am thinking freezing them in a huge ice cube à la confessions of a shopaholic.. BUT when you already know all your codes and card numbers by memory.. THAT IS WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

have a nice week everyone

x

i love _________



tumblr/weheartit

Le Château de Nice


h&m maxi dress
chanel sunnies

Last pictures from Nice... I really wanted to show you this beautiful cementery located on top of the town. It's breathtaking, you can see the whole city from up here!

Today I finally get to spend some time with my sister, maybe we'll have time to take some pictures as well..


xxx

open ended boy


kelsey reckling

I sometimes feel like I'm such a walking cliché. Being a commitment phobic doesn't make me seem edgy, more different or more complex. It's a fact, one I have had doubts about, but has just been called out on by my best friend tonight. He told me that he's getting concerned about how I seem to be falling into an easy habit of making out with everything that moves when I'm a bit drunk. As a girl who has just finished her first year of university, that's probably normal, but after he said that, I have realised it has become a lifestyle, one that is kind of hard to break.

I believe in amazing love songs, cry at the sappiest ending in films, write about relationships as a creative outlet...I want to be a writer when I'm older. These signs point to 'romantic', so why then, do I not let myself believe and fall all the way in?

I have fallen before, let my guard down, with a slightly emotionally unavailable guy I met in the dorms, I have fallen before, for someone who was bad for me, and I have tried to fall for someone who was nice, who was constant, but I ended up running anyway. I have recently fallen again, for a guy who lives halfway across the world, one who I may not see again for a few years. Half of his family lives in the same city as me, and the other half lives across the ocean.

We've known each other since we were thirteen, and we keep re connecting different parts of 'us' (if I can even call it that), whenever we can. Email, facebook, face to face. As time goes on and we try less and less, it becomes a shock to finally meet again, and to learn how much we have both changed, both physically and emotionally, and how comforting it is to realise that we're the same kids we've always been.

So from then we begin a two day commitment. Dinner, drinks, lunch, movie, phone calls, texts and skype sessions. We kissed for the first time, and he kisses just like I hoped and wanted him to, and somewhere along the line, the commitment phobic began to give pieces of herself she never really did.

At the movies, we just kissed, and held hands, and when I put my head on his strong shoulders, I felt safe, I felt stable. I felt like the feeling didn't send me running in the opposite direction. I have let my guards down before, but this time, it felt promising, instead of unstable. I don't really want to know what that could mean. How could a commitment phobic fall so fast in two days?

The night he left for the airport, we skyped for three hours and I ended up sleeping in the whole day afterwards, but I didn't care. I told him about my fear of vulnerability, of sensitivity, and he took it. He said it was normal, and during the conversation I kept telling myself to pull away, to not get too attached because I don't know when he'll be back again. He said it could be a few years; stupid colleges and sports.

I don't like commitment, I get scared of giving someone parts of me that they could break. I don't like admitting to feelings, even though I have a lot of them. So while I'm smiling at the fact that this could be left open ended, I am telling myself that there's no way we'll maintain this skype-facebook flirtation for long. I am an optimist for life but a terrible cynic for love.

I know that he'll be at the back of my mind for a while, so while I do my 'single girl' thing, maybe there'll be a fraction of me that would feel like I'm cheating on someone who is halfway across the world.

I might just allow myself to fall someday, if not with him, then someone else. But him, my 'open ended boy', has taught me, in the span of two days, that maybe falling (if not cautiously) may not be such a terrible thing to endure.

Don't tell my daddy..



.. that I just lost it and finally bought these acne boots... I tried them on 3 times before, so today I was walking around town slightly 'tired' from last nights crayfish party and I needed a little pick-me-up. Well I am quite picked-up now.. and will remain for a while......

Pictured


Ooooh look what I got! these are by Avi Jacob, see more of his work in his blog, Thank you so much Avi, I am honored!

ps. he also mentioned that he takes requests if anyone is interested!

ALSO THE FEATHER NECKLACE WINNER IS...... SARA L. CONGRATS!
a huge thank you to everyone that took part and for the sweet comments!! more giveaways to come for sure!

xxx

for just me


tumblr

love between my family



clarence chin

The last couple of weeks I'm start to realize some things I need to get of my chest. This is my story of the love between my mother and my father, the love between my mother and my stepfather, and the love between my family, or the lack of it.

As long as I can remember, my mother and father were never a happy couple. They weren't meant to be with each other. I never saw anything resembled to love between them. My father had some messed up issues, he made my mother go through a lot of shit. I was to young to notice, to young to understand. My mother was strong and at some day she decided to choose for a happy life with me and my brother, without my father. She needed to leave him in order to protect us. She choose for herself.

The three of us were a team. We'll get through this, like we always do. We still visited my father twice a week. We loved spending time with him. Especially me. I never understood his problems the way my brother and my mother did. Me and my brother were everything to my father, he'd do anything for his. The love he had for us was meant to last forever.

I've always respected my mother for her decision of leaving him and putting herself first. She did. She got a new boyfriend. Someone who loved her unconditionally and would do anything for her, this was just what she needed. After 8 years now, they're still so much in love I can't even describe it. They're a team. My mother and my stepfather are always sticking up for each other and can't spent one day without each other. Also, he was good for me and my brother, he's always been nice. I'm happy for my mother that she found love after so much shit that my father put her through. She found love and still after 8 years, she couldn't be happier.

As my mother and my stepfather were becoming closer and closer, I became to notice that in this process, she distanced herself from me and my brother. She puts herself and her new husband first, she choose him above us. I know this because the last couple of years the relationship I'm having with my mother is becoming to bother me a lot. We are not as close as we used to be. We don't share intense emotional stories, we don't share feelings. It never goes further than: 'What's for dinner?, How did your maths test go? Are you going out tonight? What ever happened to that guy you brought home a couple of times?' I know she loves us, she cares for us. But after everything she got through in her life, she decided to choose for herself. She found a new love, she is happy.

My mother is sweet and I'm happy for her. But it's hard when I don't receive the love I wish I received from my mother. There are days when I'm depressed, I cry myself to sleep. And she doesn't notice this. She has no clue what's going on in my life. And it's not that I'm not putting myself out there. I try to share. I try to communicate with her. But when I'm telling her something, I just know that she's not focused, she's not listening. She just keeps watching the time and wishing my stepfather was coming home. Again, I'm happy that she found love again but I wish that she'd put some more love and attention in me and my brother.

My father on the other hand, was focused, he was listening. We connected and he understood me. He always got me. Whenever something was bothering me, he noticed immediately. It was nice having someone around who knows the actual me and gave me the feeling he would literally go through fire for me. But as I already mentioned, he had issues. He was a drug addict. 3 years ago he couldn't deal with this any longer and he put an end to his life. I miss him so much and I feel powerless not having him around anymore. It was a big loss, but at the back of the mind everyone was thinking: it's probably for the best, for him to maybe find peace in heaven, and for us to not being bothered with his issues anymore. My brother accepted it, my mother accepted it and everyone moved on, except me.

My brother is not dealing with this stuff the way I am since he is just like my mother. He's a rational and a little more cold person and everything's fine. I'm longing for more attention and love but since my father's death I'm not receiving this. There's no one out there anymore who knows and gets me the way my father did. He was able to dig deep with me, my mother isn't anymore as I'm feeling the way she's not caring for me the way she used to.

So I stop seeking for my mothers love and attention, I've giving up on her and I can't wait to leave this house. I would never show this, I smile, I don't want to give her anymore drama in her life. She is happy and she should stay this way. So I'm hoping to find the great love she's having right now and maybe there is someone out there who's able to dig deep with me and understands me the way my father could. I've dated guys but I never found someone who stuck with my long enough to get to know me. I hate this feeling. I hope, I dream about the day I'll find a man who does.

xx
SB9

Where the streets have no name


american apparel hat
shirt from local store
bag from ethic shop
ring from market
zara heels

Just arrived home to a beautiful finnish summer evening.. still have a few photos from Nice, hope you are not totally bored just yet.. 

this was from yesterday afternoon, I am wearing a mens shirt I found in a local little store in the charming old town. But I am most excited about the bag! I have been picturing something like this for a while and finally I stumbled across this one in the most perfect ethic print. I came with questionable pompom handles but I cut them of so now I have a new favorite clutch, huge and slouchy.

also don't froget to take part in my giveaway ending tonight!

xxx

status


9gag

Cours saleya


wearing h&m ruffle dress

Last days in Nice, nooo... it has been amazing here, Cours saleya is the local market where they sell everything from flowers to jewellery... depending on the day, but monday morning was for vintage clothes and accessories, how perfect. It was really heartwarming to see the old french lady's hosting their own tables, selling their beloved designer possessions.. it felt like they really cared where their treasures ended up, so it was more like adopting than buying. Every piece came with a story told in french that I tried my best to understand, I am surprised that I am still able to communicate in their language, with my rusty basic skills from school (also speaking english with a french accent made me feel like I was fully in on the convo...)

sadly there was too much I could not take home with me.. but some of the stuff I bought is in the last pic.. the feather bangle from the 1960's might have been the best find so far, have been using it on my upper arm non stop..

update (and to calm down my dad): I did not get the Hermes bag, it was 2200€..

xxx

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